Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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