Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
