actually, I'm a sock model
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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