i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
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And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
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Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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