Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
