How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
