He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
where am i from again
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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