Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
