Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
