I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
