I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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