Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
this boner is exhausting
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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