K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
