you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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