All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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