I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
