my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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