Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
