I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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