D3 body, D1 cock
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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