I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
