i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
