did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
