come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
