I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
