She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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