I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
