I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
