You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
