I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
