I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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