He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
