In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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