I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
