Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i believe in u and ur pee
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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