giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
