Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
