accomplished twins. life is a go
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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