Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
