I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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