why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
