Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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