Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This is the high leading the old right now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
