why didn't you poke me back
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
