I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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