I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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