Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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