I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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