Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You may now shotgun with the bride
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
