we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
