I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
