There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
