I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize