I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
