and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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