So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
